"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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