I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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