I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
