its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
