I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
