she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
