Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
