I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
