Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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