1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My bed smells like the plague
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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