On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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