I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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