I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was born a porn star she said
my shit smells like andre
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
