he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
