I'm really into asian looking animals
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
