Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
