Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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