Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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