I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap