I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.