he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful