just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time