I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
