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Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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