I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
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Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts