my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no