I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
