Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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