In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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