Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
