morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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