last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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