Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
