he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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