i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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