never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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