I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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