Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
