Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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