Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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