May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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