why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
