I need help removing her.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
