'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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