i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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