she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
