question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
