dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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