I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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