I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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