Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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