remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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