Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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