She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
