Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need water and some morals
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
