it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
