I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dude. I can hear the air.
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