And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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