i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
