im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
