i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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