If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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