Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
