Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
