it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
