thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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