I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
