I wanna bring you to show and tell
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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