I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
