Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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