he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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