so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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