New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
