i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I FOUND THE LEGS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
